February 26, 2023
On February 20th, 2023, the DU Clarion made a fatal mistake: they attacked us with hate and vitriol; the kind of malice displayed only by those with massive insecurities. Their article “Is the Quackmire Endangering Life on Campus?” is filled with lies and deception, as if the author were motivated purely by financial gain (see "Hot Singles in Your Area!" ads on their homepage).
They accuse us of existing in the “dark underbelly” of campus as if that’s not one of our most appealing traits, they accuse us of “obstructing” and “spreading” as if that’s not the whole point of going to college, and they dare deny DU Chancellor Jeremy Haefner’s new role as Superman. Jeremy Haefner is clearly the only man for the role and anyone who says otherwise is a communist.
What reason could the Clarion have to attack us if they weren’t jealous of our fame, our heroism, our comedic ability, our intelligence, our average height (6 ft. for those curious), and our incredible humility? After 124 years of obscurity, the Clarion has decided to attempt to ride our coattails to fame and glory. Unfortunately for them, not even our strong social media presence can save them from their average of six likes-per-post.
The DU Clarion has been replaced by a new reporting juggernaut and they know it.
We are the Quackmire, and we will not and cannot be stopped by a forgotten relic of the past.